Doing it my way.

SO much happening in so little time. All good stuff though.
The past year has been like an experiment. A demented science project featuring me. I needed to set out to discover a few things about myself:
A. Damage assessment. This is ongoing as I am more often than not surprising myself by how I view and react to things in my world. The most fascinating part of the year long journey thus far.
B. Do I still have "it"? Answer, yes and then some. I can still put myself out there as boldly and strong as needed. I am still very a formidable force to be reckoned with. I honestly thought that part of me died. Was amazed to see myself in action. It was like I was watching myself from a distance at times. Surreal.
C. Priorities. Total sea change here. Was earn money, be successful, provide for family. Now money is not important. I need enough to eke out a modest existence, provide for my kids and send them to college in a couple of years. I have always sought, and never found, contentment and inner peace. I am closer to these things than ever in my life now. I don't want my legacy to be that I worked my ass off and had no time to have fun. I want it to be that I was a good man, a caring man. Someone who went beyond the basic provider role. I am no longer motivated and identified by my career status. I couldn't care less.

So what does this mean? I have gained a new confidence that in 42+ yrs I have lacked. I have not gone to the well for fear of failure. But I know that I can do just about anything I set my mind to doing. So I`m going to take the risk and go into my own business. But not for the promise of huge financial gain. Again, I just need to pull out enough to live a simple life and provide for the kids. The thought of me controlling my work hours. Not working absurd hours so some company can make a profit. Of being my own decision maker. This is what drives me. I don't mind hard work, but it must be coupled with proper R&R. This is the piece that has been missing from my life.
I do not know anyone who gets laid off from their job that is not angry. Yes, I got screwed. Was used and abused. You know what? Who cares. I`m happier now than I have been in decades. I have seen the rat race and I decline to run it. I will carve out my own existence in this world, but as Sinatra sang, I`m going to do it my way. L`Chaim