The Internet. Hard to remember life without it? Like when ATMs were new. I remember having to get my ass to the bank with my paycheck Friday to deposit or cash it or I was totally fucked. Does Friday get capitalized? Jeez, I used to be an excellent speller, knew all that shit. I`m fried.
Internet Happening #1. I have enrolled in college. I know, I cant quite believe it either. It will be 100% online. The Government is paying most of it. Honestly, that was the kicker. I did want to finish up my degree. But getting the government to pay for most of it. Good. They owe me.
Internet Happening #2. Online dating. I have a date Sunday with someone I have never met in person. Never spoke to you. Just found out her name a few hours ago. We exchanged correspondence for a couple of days. Saw each others pictures and profiles. There you have it. Instant date. I am quite confused over it all. We`ll see what happens. Details to follow. Then theres another one who I think we will be exchanging phone numbers tomorrow. What a strange, strange world it has become while I was away from it all. The dating world that is.
Lets see. I covered the education and socialization. Of course! Masturbation. The Internet comes in handy for that as well. So there you have it. A trifecta.
I`m not here to fuss, complain, bitch, blast, moan....all pathetic crap I usually do. Am I happy. No. I don't think so. But what I have been doing hasn't done the trick so I`m changing it up. Putting myself out there. Dating. College. Still seeking employment so i can make some money and move. That situation isn't good. But whatever.
It is what it is.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Diet/Exercise/Hydration..Joy!
Dr. says my A1C level is not good. What the hell is an A1C? Blood sugar (glucose). Well this explains feeling like death at some point every day I suppose. To stave off medications I need to make radical changes. Me, I don't do change well at all. But my body is insisting. So here we go.
I am a HUGE carb. junkie. I need my breads/bagels/pasta! Guess what I cant eat anymore? I can have rye bread, and that makes me happy. I`ll limit pasta to once a week, but on that day I will eat zero carbs all day to compensate. Well close to zero. I also must eat small meals throughout the day. Snacks rather. Almonds, apples, bananas. That kind of stuff in between meals. I have done this the last couple days and have not crashed out at all. But once I`m working again this will be a bit more of a challenge I would think.
The harder part has been remembering to drink enough. I had two cups of coffee this morning and realized it was after 12 and I hadn't had any water yet. So I forced a glass of water. I will to really drink another 4 glasses between now and dinner. I am so used to drinking nothing all day and then forcing myself to drink allot in the evening. Funny how something that sounds so simple is really difficult.
I`m tired of being fat. Although I haven't really gained much in several years, I haven't lost either. 233 pounds is absurd. If I could get into the 180`s I think that would be ideal. Even 190. Its all in my gut, not very attractive. Couple that with my hairy chest, back, etc. and I`m not exactly going to be attracting many women at the pool or beach! So loose weight, shave back. Think the ex will shave the back for me when she does my haircut. Shes at least good for that.
If I don't find myself attractive I cant expect anyone else to either. Its so weird for me because I grew up looking like one of those starving Ethiopians you used to see. I was a stick figure. My mother, who if her dog is feed a minute later than usual freaks out, didn't see fit to feed me. I remember being sent down to Florida to stay with my grandmothers when I was around 14 or 15 with the hope the could fatten me up some. Now look at me!
Plus my kids are chunky and that's no good. Lauren has no physical activity. Matthew, in the summer and fall looks great because of band camp and marching band season. Then he gets chunky again. I need to set the example and stop being so fucking lazy. Of course, feeling like death was helping to motivate me. When you are at the brink of passing out and incoherent going to exercise isn't exactly want I would want to do. If I`m feeling semi human, than I can get myself moving and motivated. Sounds good at least.
Still no job. Not for lack of effort. Unemployment here is higher than the national average, its around 11%. In 5 wks I`m screwed. Either I find something or pray they pass an extension.
Mood wise I bounce around. The whole Rabbi/Jodi thing still makes my blood boil. I hate that I allow then free rent in my head like that, but every time I hear that they all went to a play, or out to dinner, or whatever I get royally pissed off. The SOB shacking up with my ex and kids when he was my friend and clergy, confidant in all the shit she was putting me through. Well no one has every fucked me over so bad. Not even Jodi and her affairs. Meanwhile he is to infatuated to realize she is there for one thing. Money. How pathetic.
I really have no life and I`m not happy about that. So ideally working on my physical self and making money again should get me to start to work on that. That's the plan as of today.
Its been crazy hot here for the past week. Close to 90*. We don't get that hot mid summer. Its been dry heat though and I must admit its been nice. But that changes today, storms and a high of only 56 tomorrow, low of 33. That SUCKS!.
Peace.
I am a HUGE carb. junkie. I need my breads/bagels/pasta! Guess what I cant eat anymore? I can have rye bread, and that makes me happy. I`ll limit pasta to once a week, but on that day I will eat zero carbs all day to compensate. Well close to zero. I also must eat small meals throughout the day. Snacks rather. Almonds, apples, bananas. That kind of stuff in between meals. I have done this the last couple days and have not crashed out at all. But once I`m working again this will be a bit more of a challenge I would think.
The harder part has been remembering to drink enough. I had two cups of coffee this morning and realized it was after 12 and I hadn't had any water yet. So I forced a glass of water. I will to really drink another 4 glasses between now and dinner. I am so used to drinking nothing all day and then forcing myself to drink allot in the evening. Funny how something that sounds so simple is really difficult.
I`m tired of being fat. Although I haven't really gained much in several years, I haven't lost either. 233 pounds is absurd. If I could get into the 180`s I think that would be ideal. Even 190. Its all in my gut, not very attractive. Couple that with my hairy chest, back, etc. and I`m not exactly going to be attracting many women at the pool or beach! So loose weight, shave back. Think the ex will shave the back for me when she does my haircut. Shes at least good for that.
If I don't find myself attractive I cant expect anyone else to either. Its so weird for me because I grew up looking like one of those starving Ethiopians you used to see. I was a stick figure. My mother, who if her dog is feed a minute later than usual freaks out, didn't see fit to feed me. I remember being sent down to Florida to stay with my grandmothers when I was around 14 or 15 with the hope the could fatten me up some. Now look at me!
Plus my kids are chunky and that's no good. Lauren has no physical activity. Matthew, in the summer and fall looks great because of band camp and marching band season. Then he gets chunky again. I need to set the example and stop being so fucking lazy. Of course, feeling like death was helping to motivate me. When you are at the brink of passing out and incoherent going to exercise isn't exactly want I would want to do. If I`m feeling semi human, than I can get myself moving and motivated. Sounds good at least.
Still no job. Not for lack of effort. Unemployment here is higher than the national average, its around 11%. In 5 wks I`m screwed. Either I find something or pray they pass an extension.
Mood wise I bounce around. The whole Rabbi/Jodi thing still makes my blood boil. I hate that I allow then free rent in my head like that, but every time I hear that they all went to a play, or out to dinner, or whatever I get royally pissed off. The SOB shacking up with my ex and kids when he was my friend and clergy, confidant in all the shit she was putting me through. Well no one has every fucked me over so bad. Not even Jodi and her affairs. Meanwhile he is to infatuated to realize she is there for one thing. Money. How pathetic.
I really have no life and I`m not happy about that. So ideally working on my physical self and making money again should get me to start to work on that. That's the plan as of today.
Its been crazy hot here for the past week. Close to 90*. We don't get that hot mid summer. Its been dry heat though and I must admit its been nice. But that changes today, storms and a high of only 56 tomorrow, low of 33. That SUCKS!.
Peace.
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