Random Thoughts

* children do not belong on leashes. EVER. Free the leash kids! Dogs yes, kids NO.

* 4 out 5 dentists surveryed. WHo is this 5th dentist and what the hell is his problem? Anticonformist? Or just some asshole who doesnt want to pay his ADA dues maybe. He needs to get with the program.

* For the love of God, stop making the "special" kids ride around on that goofy looking short bus! Why can they not ride a regular bus? Is there some medical reasoning I dont know about? An obscure federal law? Dont these kids have it tough enough? Leave them be and let them ride a real freaking bus already! As long as they have their helmets on they`ll be ok.

* What happend to blue toilet water? People used to put that stuff in the tank and it would turn the water blue. WHy blue? Does it blend with yellow and brown better? Why not pink? or Black. That would make more sense really. Black toilet water. That way you couldnt see the shit. But guess what, we WANT to see it, dont we? How bizzarre is that!

These are just a couple of things that keep me up at night and interfere with my ability to sustain normal relationships.

Failure of the American Political System

Republicans will fight and hate on the democrats. Democrats fight and hate on Republicans. Thus, political gridlock. What happend to a government of the people for the people? The way it works is you must play politics and vote along party lines or else you will lose your peers support and endorsements (FUNDING) and lessen the chance of reelection (KEEPING YOUR JOB). The simple solution is a third party to shake things up. However all that did was lure nut jobs like Ross Perot and Jesse Ventura. The dem./rep. political machine is just way to wealthy and powerful and likes the way it is. So whats the solution?
I think that Congressmaen and Senators should be REQUIRED, on major issues (i.e. HEALTH CARE REFORM) to go back to their home districts and hold open town hall meetings to fully educate their constituents on the matter at hand and solicit feedback. They should be REQUIRED to conduct independently run polls of the constituency and be REQUIRED to go back to Washington and vote as dictated by the majority of their constituency of whom they represent.
That would be fair representation. A government of the people, for the people. It would remove the power of the lobbyists. It would shut down the religious right that has NO PLACE IN GOVERNMENT. It would shut down the money that controls the decision making process.
It would also shut down the power one party has over the other when they are the majority. A Bush imperial presidency could never happen again. Which is why our governemnt will never allow reform and change to the sick, dysfunctional and archaic system we employ today.

Been a while

Haven't posted in two months! Wow. And me, always with so much to say! Probably wouldn't be posting today but a friend mentioned her blog so that kick started things.
Lots happening, or happened since last posting. I was transferred and given a 10% raise (not too shabby!) to go back to the mega store at the mall. I was pretty sad because I liked where I was and everyone else on the management team was great. I was involved in all areas, not just my primary area of responsibility. Now I am rather lonely. My staff is slowly warming up to me. But my two leads, VERY key people for me, one is fighting me all the way and the other is very good but a bit down as she had interviewed for my job and didn't get it. The one fighting me all the way is extremely tight with the staff. They all hang out together, etc. So as long as she is a problem, the staff is going to be too. I changed signage on a display to an older, but much nicer sign package. She immediately informed me that those were the wrong signs, they had been replaced by the ones I took down. I said, yes, I know this. But I prefer to use these. She went to an assistant manager when I was off and asked his permission to replace them as they were wrong. He said ok. I hammered his ass as soon as I saw him today and put my signs back up. I am going to sit the girl down and do a verbal counseling, documented tomorrow. I am also asking my boss to sit in so this person can see that I have his support. I can be patient and respect that change can be difficult, but playing a game like that? uhuh. Game over. She gets two choices only. One, she relaxes and accepts the changes and works with me. Or, two, she does not and finds alternative employment. My boss has already told me he has nowhere to move her to in house. So I have that to look forward to tomorrow! Yippee!!! I have allot of friends at that store as that's where I came out of. But there are a few that apparently are resentful of my taking my predecessors place. Which is idiotic because I had nothing to do with it. I was very content to be left alone where I was..for a while.
Lets see. The kids. Matthew blows off two algebra projects, get two zeroes so now his ass is mine. Took his laptop and video games away. Yelled at him for a while. Set his mom loose on him. He cannot be very happy at the moment. Too bad. Fucking kid lies to me, telling me all his homework is done and then I get a progress report with zeroes on it? What is he thinking? He knows I get the progress reports! Daughter is clashing with her crazy mother which puts me in a very delicate position. I cant say, well Lauren you know your mom is crazy and mentally unstable... I did say that I know how her mom can be as the woman spent the better part of 14 years yelling and verbally abusing me. She has now decided to refocus her nastiness on our daughter. Lauren, apparently taking after me, does not have the sense to just ignore the woman, so she gets upset and argues with her. Bad call. This intensifies things. Jodi is right to get upset, Lauren needs to do her chores around the house and not have to be asked over and over again. So I lectured Lauren on that and told her from now on when she gets home from school tend to her chores and then hit the homework. Also told her she may not talk back to her mom, that if she is getting upset or her mom is getting "difficult" to call me immediately. Told Jodi, back off the kid, I`m on it. ok, was a longer more difficult conversation then that, but I think I got through her thick head. So more joy for me! See a pattern here?
What else? Nothing. I have no life outside of work and kids. I must admit its wearing a bit thin. Last time I got laid was LAST December. Almost a year. That sucks. Perhaps I need to address my self imposed isolation from society after the holidays. May come up with a good new years resolution for 2010. We`ll see.

Fool, only now do you realize the power of the dark side of the force

Well. Been several weeks. Lots to report to the two or maybe three people that may even see this. But I find writing cathartic at times. Alas, too cathartic and I must be more careful on how much I write about.
Anyways. Have been very busy. New store is open and is beautiful. 28,500 sq ft. Pretty big. Not as big as the two story 42,000 sq ft. store at the mall that I transferred from. But we like our store just fine. Business sucks, however. Weekends we are kicking ass but weekdays are HORRIBLE so far. My depts. plan for last week was $6850. I did $5680. But the business will grow, we just need to be patient.
Things are normalizing finally and I am getting my 2 days/wk off, in fact I`m taking a 3rd off day this week as I worked labor day and salaried mgmnt doesnt get extra pay, we get a paid day off instead. So I was off Sunday, took the kids to the fair, I`m off Wednesday and Friday. Not bad.
Lauren/Buffy has an opportunity to study in Australia this summer but it will probably be very expensive and I have no money to speak of. I am making much more but "she who shall not be named" is aware of that and is continuing to take advantage of the situation. I really dont feel like getting into that right now.
Matthew has a competition Saturday before Yom Kippur, so I`m going to take Sat/Sun and Monday off, go to his competition (record it with my new toy!) then bring him back with me for Sun/Mon. (Yom Kippur). This means I must go to schul and do the whole prayer thing to set a good example to my son who was Bar Mitzvahed a little over a year ago and was very proud. Lauren doesnt want to come with us. Dont blame her really. She will worship with her mom and live in pseudo rabbi person..something else I do not wish to get started on right now.
Oh..my benefits kick in 9/26!! I will have health/dental/vision/life...insurance. I am going for a full physical 9/29. This should be interesting. Havent had one since 2001 I believe.
I`m hot and tired. Going to put on monday night football in a bit, crank up the a/c and zone out.
Until we meet again...Here`s looking at you kid.

Shoppping..I hate shopping!!

Having a great time with kids this weekend. Took them shopping, spent money that I need to be saving but I know that they needed school clothes and their mom wont do it. So I stepped up. It does feel good to have enough of an income to be able to do something like this. A month ago I wouldn't have been able to. We went to movie last night also.
Matthew drove me nuts, he thinks he knows what fits and he insists on particular brands just like when he was little, totally inflexible. Much of that is his autistic tendencies rearing their heads, but I have no patience for it and found myself yelling at him. He looked hurt and upset and I felt like crap afterward. So I bought him a few things he wanted and some ice cream and he seemed happy again. Lauren said she couldn't deal with the two of us so went off on her own for awhile. It all ended up OK.
I could really use more than 1 day off, I am so tired out! But tomorrow I am back to it. I have a woman flying in tomorrow to do training with my new staff and my regional comes in Tuesday to spend the week so I need to be Mr. Professional and on my best behavior all week. Then next week I am on my own and the week after we open and someone is flying in for that week to assist me with that as I have a staff of about 20 and all but 4 of them are brand new. Then, finally, things should get to normal and I will get my 2 days off a week. So 2-3 more weeks. I can do this!
Lauren drove on the interstate Friday and today on I-240 to the mall today. Only a couple of what could have been disastrous errors. Otherwise she did great.
That's all I got for today. See ya!

Peace

I seek peace. Contentment. This has been my quest for awhile now. I have decided that I will not permit assholes to deter me from my quest. There are going to be people who think they have a clue. They don`t. See the problem is all these "open minded" people, or "non judgemental" people..they are full of shit. Everybody makes a judgement on people. EVERYBODY. If you don't then your brain dead. Its what we do. The person WE are, is what determines how we judge others.
Did ya get that?? Let me reiterate. We pass judgement on others. Good or bad. If we pass a bad, or negative judgement on someone..without good reason (in my book, PERSONAL evidence/knowledge of something that is no doubt or FAR beyond a reasonable doubt true), then WE (as the person passing negative judgement) have the problem. WE are the ones who's thinking is twisted. Those who qualify their statements with, "I am no one to judge, BUT...."
Fuck these holier than thou pieces of human excrement. Karma baby..gotta believe. What comes around, goes around. Whatever suffering/misery you get, you have coming to you. So sad for you.
So, as I was saying, I will allow the miserable wretches to be just that. I will find happiness, peace and contentment despite their efforts.
Or I will die trying.

I`m baaaack! At least I think so

Whew! The past couple of weeks have been a whirlwind. I don't even know where to begin! The good or the bad? Guess I`ll lead off with the good.
Training in Spartanburg was very long but I must admit productive. Yesterday was day#1 in the new store and OMG its awesome!. As nice as the 2 story monster @ the mall is, this store is even nicer. Whoever designs these things, give him/her a raise! It was odd walking in as a manager. We started working on the plexiglass shelving shipments, signage, office supplies... and I asked what do you need me to do? and was told, keep these people working and on task. Not long ago it would have been, unloading freight and taking out the trash! So that was cool. I feel back in my element as my management career spans back into the mid 1980`s.
I also received a partial paycheck as I am now bi weekly. So one week was at the old and another at the new. Man, that was sweet. I so needed this is almost hard to believe. My bank account will actually have a positive balance. Unbelievable. After all thats happened I would say that for being back just 1 year, almost exactly, I have done pretty damn good.
Of course I am fearful that my past could come back to get me, but I wont live my life paranoid about that. I will simply keep pushing forward. So hooray for me!
The bad part. Last Monday night I was staying in Spartanburg, about 30 minutes from the kids. Matthew had a practice that evening and the freshman parents had to provide dinner. This meant me and Jodi attending. This is not a good thing and as much as I tried for civility..well, that lasted maybe an hour or so. Things turned ugly, I ended up at her house later that evening yelling, she was going to call the police..that would have been VERY, VERY bad for me. So I screwed up yet again and allowed myself to be sucked into the craziness of Jodi world. I will never learn. This could have been disastrous. I cannot allow that to happen again. I will not allow that woman to destroy me AGAIN. I allowed once...thats enough for one lifetime.
Anywho. Next week is truck week. That means every single piece of merchandise we sell will be received and put out between Tuesday and Friday morning. Almost a quarter MILLION books alone. Not to mention all the other crap we stock. So it will be intense. But rewarding.

Once more unto the breach dear friends, once more..

Well here we go. After my disaster I emerged fairly battered yet intact, on the outside at least. One thing I discovered was the fire was out. I always had within me a very strong will. I was passionate. I didn't take shit from anyone. In business I was ruthless. I pillaged and plundered and played to win. Was very successful overall. I had an overwhelming desire, a need to succeed and would do whatever it took to do so. That was the fire. And it was fully extinguished. Life for the past year has been just going through the motions. I have had no fight in me. Jodi gives me shit, I don't stand up for myself. Career wise, I enjoy my job and did want to move up but have been a bit afraid because a move into management, the resurrection of my career, requires that fire to be burning bright and hot. I am confident in my abilities. I still play to win. But there is a part of me that is ambivalent. I have had to survive the past few years under the worst pressures imaginable. I have been strong. Is there anything left in me to handle the pressures ahead? Because the pressure will be intense. The expectations for the new store and cafe are extremely high. They expect the cafe operation, my operation, to lead the district if not region. That's going against Atlanta, Charlotte, Miami,etc.. I suppose one of two things will happen. I will do it and do it well or I will spin apart. I know myself and I do know that after surviving what I survived it would take a whole lot to blow me away. So I think I will do just fine.

Shot through the heart..maybe a solution rather than a problem?

Talking to darling daughter about the big quincetera party thing that she is in the dancing court for tommorow night and I said its nice that your brother was invited too. She said, oh yeah, everybody in the dancing court had their families invited. I said, really? So mom, Matt, you and.....rabbi. She became rather quiet at that point. I was pissed and just said, well have fun and hung up. Then I called her back, she didnt answer, so I texted her and said she`d best call me. She calls and I said, define family. No answer from her. So I said, so I`m not your dad? who is? how convenient for you to have a substitute dad hanging around. she says, I`m not substituting you, your my dad. So I said, thats funny. you didnt let me come to drop you or pick you up at camp, mom and rabbi did. You didnt invite me to attend tommorow night. I said you know what, all I do is work my ass off so you can have things. Your damn expensive bra for the dress and other things you needed, sleepaway camp, trip to Chicago, your moms going to Boston in a couple weeks. What do I get?! NOTHING. I get kicked in the nuts! (didnt say that).
I said to her that I cant believe that this girl I held and fed as a baby and played with and loved with all my heart can treat me this way. Then I got teary eyed and hung up.
The vision I have of the future is not a smooth road, no mater how hard I try I feel that I will never find happiness, contentment..love. Peace.
It sucks

And for but the grace of God go I

Have, or I guess, had a friend that I considered a someone whom I was close with. We were good friends back in the 80`s early 90`s, drifted apart and reconnected about a year ago. She is a good person with what I thought was a heart of gold. We would talk at least weekly, emails a couple times a week and Im daily. About a month or 2 ago she stops returning my calls, doesn't respond to my emails, ignores my IM`s. I have left messages saying that I have no clue whats wrong and to please let me know why she is obviously upset with me. No responses. Very odd. Very sad. She knows my crazy story and has been very supportive. Sad to lose someones friendship that you valued, especially when that person cant even tell you why. But such is life.
Still feeling like shit. I had to borrow $ from my neighbor, who kind of knows my deal, so I am going to the doctor later this morning. Need to be at work by 2:30 and wont get out until around 11:00pm. No way I am well enough for that but I cannot afford to lose more $ being out sick, so I will simply need to tough it out. As is I lost 8hrs on Saturday b/c I was sick.
Its tough to live this way. I have a couple of close friends that I feel I can totally confide in and thank God for them. One I have known since I was 3 yrs old! Another who is just a sweetheart of a girl and while was never close with was an acquaintance in past (I did see her boobies once!) and I have recently reconnected with. I have friends that I enjoy talking to, but why go into my depressing tale of woe! Makes me sad recounting it!! I`m grateful for who I have in my life and I suppose I am still in the process of discovering just who is who in my life.

SNAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG!! I was home all day feeling like death. The illness of last week that I thought I had beaten was merely lying low for a few days and has resurfaced with a vengeance. My eyes and ears feel like they are going to explode. I`ve lost my voice, coughing..BLECH! I figured a day of rest was in order so thats what I did. Had a 4:30 appt but was back home before 6. I grilled a couple of Bubba burgers (not bad stuff) had some potato salad and cheese doodles (I have decided that cheese doodles can count as a side dish in my world), then some blueberries and whipped cream. Gotta eat, right? Need energy to find off the illness. Cant afford to miss work so today was the day to try and recuperate somewhat.
Anyway, as dusk fell it started pouring. Of course dog needed to go out, so I get the umbrella, ella, ella (hate that song) and go out only to discover a gigantic black nasty snake sprawled out at the end of the driveway taking a bath (I assume). I very carefully avoided it and when I came back with dog 5 minutes later it was gone. How am I ever going to enjoy my front porch and yard ever again??
This I really needed.
Work has been the same. Still no word on the promotion, this week the regional mgr was on vacation so no decisions were made. So I will await next weeks excuse I suppose. I really need this I simply cannot survive much longer on what I`m pulling in. Plus could really use benefits. Thinking if I had benefits I would have seen a doc last week and not be feeling like hammered shit right now!
Ah well. such is life.

oops.

Well daughter called me on the way home from camp. I was surprised by this. She said she did not have my address with her and wrote her mom asking for it but her mom never sent it (very believable) and she received the emails I sent and was very appreciative. Hmmmm. So that took some of the wind out of my sails. Still think I will give her a good lecture later this week, but I am not as livid as I was. Plus she is sick so I feel bad.
Here's the problem, I love her too much to be too harsh with her and as soon as I hear her voice my heart melts. But I will be stern when I need to be.
Work sucked today. Everyone seems grumpy. All the stress from not knowing what is happening and who is going to the "south" store and in what position and who is going to move up in the "north" store is beginning to take its toll and its noticeable. They really need to make decisions this week and not let it ride out any longer. They have no choice but to have everything set up by months end as that's when work at the new location starts. But the longer they drag their feet the more stressful it will become. I predict the next week or two will be difficult if they do not start things moving forward.
Off tomorrow, so that's good. Need a day of peace (hopefully).

Daughter in deep poo with me!

I am extremely pissed off at my daughter. The child is coming back from camp tomorrow and on my day off Thursday I plan on going down to see her. I have talked to her mom and the 3 of us are going to have a sit down..with me doing the talking.
The child has had a major attitude towards me all year long (since my "return"). I can understand it..to a point. But her recent behavior has pushed me over the line. I spent $750.00 I DO NOT HAVE so she could go to camp. I negotiated like crazy to get them down to this amount. I need to give $200.00 towards her plane ticket to Chicago in August to see her friend. I buy her clothes, books , etc., like a dad should, of course. What do I get in return? MAYBE an occasional visit from her. And while away at camp she wrote her mom 4 letters, wrote me zero. Not even a quick "happy fathers day" on fathers day. So this nastiness plus her crappy school performance last year has led to a discussion with her mom and what I hope will be a united front.
Meeting#1 is this week. We will discuss her upcoming orthopedists appointment, she has no idea that the test results showed something. Then I plan on "opening a can of whup ass" on the child. Simply and strongly telling her that I cannot believe a child of mine could be so damn selfish, insensitive and greedy and that her attitude best come around 180* or I WILL make her life a living hell. I will NOT have a 15 yr old snotty bitch for a daughter. She needs to get over what happened to me and move forward. Its done. Over. She needs to be grateful for what she has and realize that all could be lost in the blink of an eye. She needs to learn the value of $ and that it is earned..not some sort of birthright to the mighty Platt/Silver fortune (LOL).
I have asked Jodi to not say anything and to support me and that if she disagrees with me to do it in private, not in front of of Lauren. See thats what Laurrens game has been, cry to mom, mom calls me and tees off. UhUh..no more. Game over.
Phase 2 will be in August before school starts. New rules in place. NO CELLPHONES DURING THE SCHOOLDAY OR AT NIGHT except for a couple of hours at the end of the evening. Turning texting OFF. If after the first quarter no grade is lower than a B, than some of this will be relaxed. Any grades lower than a B, where I feel she hasnt made a strong effort and NO DRIVERS LICENSE.
Meanwhile my son is as sweet as can be, grateful, polite, etc.. What did he get this summer? NADA. He pulled a B average last year. No camp. No trip. This is bullshit. I`m making changes.BIG TIME CHANGES!
The girl best watch her ass with me.

Illness sucks

I believe I may be ill. I am not a good judge of these things and usually something must majorly go wrong before I cave in and see a doctor. Without insurance, that will be the case here as well. No coughing, lungs seem clear, no pain when breathing etc.. so I can rule out any type of respiratory issue. BP is high, but not critical high,,just high, but to get the RX for the meds I need would require a doctors appt. and that would cost allot of $, which I simply do not have. I`m just very tired, light headed/woozy and have slight waves of nausea..oh and a recurring pain in my left eye that when it happens really makes me nauseous. All I want to do is sleep. I`ve been falling asleep early for the last three nights, sleeping 12 hours and still am barely functional. Just writing this is making me feel sick. Weird because I really never get sick.
I am sure I am fighting off a virus of some sort, no fever so I know its not a flu..so no piggy flu.
But the last few days have been no fun, especially working each day. I`m off tomorrow so hopefully I can just zone out and let me body try to fight this thing.
But knowing me I`ll run all over town and give myself zero rest. I am an idiot after all!

Confused as always

So I had an awesome time with Matthew and his buddy Jake. Had them Sat. night through Monday..though I worked Monday and Matt's grandpa took them. Anyway we went to Sliding Rock in the Pisgah National Forest in NC. However no one told me (or rather I was to stupid to figure out) the there is a NORTHERN part and a SOUTHERN part of this forest divided in half by Asheville. So we drove for 2 hours in the wrong direction and ended up at the top of Mt. Mitchell. A mere 6200 ft above sea level. Highest peak in the east. It was 55* and very foggy and windy. SO we stopped for lunch, then drove down the mountain back through Asheville and finally found the place. We had a great time, even I slid down the waterfall!
So Tues. night I`m online on my FB page chatting with Matt and I notice an adult "friend" on his list. SO I say who is that, and he says, someone his mom told him to befriend. SO I said that if he didn't know the dude he should lose him. This was unwise. Ended up with a ranting , raving lunatic texting me and calling me and just going berserk because I questioned her telling Matt to add him. SO I did apologize, but she was on the warpath for hours.
Oh yeah. The great live-in "rabbi" that the ex has. I told Jodi to put his ass in place or I will when it comes to m y kids. He is not father, uncle, grandfather,etc. He is simply Jodi's friend. She must have said something b/c he got on the phone all upset about what I have said about him. I reminded him about how a rabbi running off his own wife in favor of a married female congregant who was in crisis, and then having her move in with him was the absolute worst thing a rabbi could do. Violated Jewish law, ethics and morals. So that was a fun conversation.
Lets see. Work is good. Still being told I am getting promoted. Been told it will happen before then new store starts to get set up in August. Been told by a well placed source "within a week" and the position is a very good one. But the story keeps changing so I will just wait and see what happens over the next 30 days. The good news is something is going to happen.
Hasta La Vista Baby

A Poem I like.

Poem In Five Chapters. By, Portia Nelson

Chapter I. I walk down the street.There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.I fall in.I am lost ---- I am helpless ---- it isn’t my fault. . . . .It takes forever to find a way out. Chapter II. I walk down the same street.There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.I pretend I don’t see it.I fall in again.I can’t believe I am in the same place ---- but it isn’t my fault. . . . It still takes a long time to get out. Chapter III. I walk down the same street.There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.I see it is there.I still fall in . . . . It is a habit.My eyes are open. I know where I am.It is my fault.I get out immediately. Chapter IV. I walk down the same street.There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.I walk around it. Chapter V. I walk down another street.

The hole in my soul.

In touch now with someone from my past. Never really new her well, but was always a nice person. Very pretty and for the HS version of me I felt way out of my league. Has had some similar experiences as far failed marriage, kids, special needs kid,etc.. Anyway she shared something she had written that really has me thinking. Kind of a self analysis.
Its interesting because I am in such an odd place in my life that I really don't know who I am anymore. I know the basics (good person, good dad, blah, blah, blah). But after what I have been through, is it really possible to come out ok? I don't think so. There must be damage, has to be. But where and when will I discover it. If I don't know what or where I cant begin to address it. Its concerning.
I know, as I have written before, that I have lost my "mojo". I can flirt like crazy, get `em on the hook. But then I stop there. What do I fear? I think I know part of the answer. The old me (late 20`-mid 30`s) was mr. confident. I could do anything I wanted and succeed. And I pretty much did. I was married and never pursued other women, but if I wanted to would have with reckless abandon. "Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead". This current version of me is battle scarred. Has all the desires, would love a relationship with the right person. Would definitely love having sex. That goes without saying! But cannot make that move. Dating, courting, etc. I do know part of that is just my current situation with all the complexities involved. But the old me would always find ways to make things happen.
So I immerse myself in my job and my children. Perhaps that is best. For now. But there is a giant hole in my soul, that until I find a way to fill it I don't think I will get to the level of peace and contentment I so desperately crave.

Jinx

So much for peace. There is a distant rumbling sound. Called the ex to arrange plans with Matt for next weekend and she started squawking about $. Too bad. Lifes tough.
Saw pics on line of Lauren at camp, she looks so happy. She deserves it. After all the turmoil I caused....ah, no more of my pity act.
Matts birthday is tommorow. My baby will be 14. Amazing. Hes such a great kid..much better kid than I was at his age.
Worked all day, not a bad weekend..worked most of it.
Not much else to report. I`ll see what tommorow brings.
over & out

Hot & Tired, Time for a cold one!

Haven't been in a blogging mood all week. Lots has occurred.
First, court last Monday. I agreed to drop my counter claim, she dropped her absurd claim. I did this to spare the kids any stress. It was the right decision, though a huge part of me would have loved to see it through. Anyway, the ex now gets less than 1/2 of what she was. She did that to herself.
Now my expectation was a ranting raving lunatic. Instead she has been calm and cool. Perhaps she realizes her predicament and if she cant extort money from me, because I called her bluff, she realizes the only way she can get more from me then required is to play nice. Time will tell. I am uncomfortable because I am not used to this sudden reversal in attitude.
Jodi called me Wednesday evening and said that Laurens tests came back and they found an odd result in her spine xray. She has Spina Bifida Occulta. Basically a neural tube birth defect. One or more of her vertebrae did not fuse closed. Occulta is the mildest form of Spina Bifida, so mild that most wont even know they have it. Typically no treatment is required. But since Lauren has been having back and leg pain, mainly nerve pain in those areas, the Doc wants her seen by an orthopedist to make certain that this is not causing the trouble. She will see the specialist in July when she returns from camp.
Work has been going well. I still don't know exactly what they are doing with me. I do know I am moving up however. Just which location remains to be seen. I should have my promotion come the end of July. I really need this to come through!
Still not dating. I really want to, but I resist. Timing would be no good. One step at a time! Stick to the game plan. I know a couple of girls I work with that I would love to ask out, I have friends I talk to on the phone, blasts from my past, that I think could have potential..although logistics would be an issue. But all in good time.
Otherwise I roll along taking the ups and downs as they come. Trying not to take what I have for granted.
Peace.

alone.

Another year older and..wiser?

Well yesterday I turned 42. I feel the same as did at 41. Guess thats ok. The last few birthdays have not been fun..to say the least. So even though The Succubus (aka..ex) is sharpening her claws and will be subpeonaed today probably with my counter claim and response...and believe me this will register on seismographs when she blows..and she is going to go nuclear...and even though I have been royally screwed over for the past few years. I am thankful.
Why? Well I am sitting at home, in a beautiful house in a beautiful neighborhood with mountain views watching the wildlife with the brook babbling in the background. Very different from last years view. I had my little girl with me, and when I dropped her home got a big hug from my son. My mom and dad, drive me nuts, but love me and have been totally supportive of me always.
So why complain? My life is far from ideal, I still have a long way up the mountain to climb. But at least I`m climbing it. And if this year was so, so much better than the year before, why wont next year be even better than this?
So I`m copacetic. Today. At this moment. That probably will change when The Succubus gets her subpeona. But for now..all is well.
Peace.

5/27/09.and all is well?

Rainy day again. The last few years we have been in a serious drought and all the prayers for rain have apparently been answered. We have had lots of the stuff this spring.
My back is not getting any better, I get occasional jolts of pain and constant discomfort and pain oddly in my left hip and in both legs. This is probably not good. AT times the pain is so bad I actual lean against something and lift my left leg in the air until it subsides. I am working very hard to get this promotion I desperately need so I continue to work out on the floor shelving, shifting sections, etc. Its fun work, but constant bending, squatting. I will just need to deal.
Awaiting my attorney to contact the ex`s. Then it will hit the fan BIG TIME. I do not have any energy or desire for problems with this woman but she fired the first shot, so in defending her absurd claim re: child support I am countering and asking for;
A. Reimbursement of legal fees incurred (thus far $1500)
B. Contempt charge for making a false and perjurous claim
C. Contempt charge for bad mouthing me to the kids, interfering with my visitation and at times blocking communication.
D. An order for her to find PT work immediately followed by FT upon her licensing in August.
E. Contempt for her living arrangement
F. Order barring "Rabbi" Rubin transporting my kids anywhere due to his physical status.
G. Order that I am to be equally involved in decisions regarding the children.

She is going to go so ballistic I am afraid of how bad this will get. Part of me says just go in, get the child support issue resolved and leave it be. But I think, as she initiated action against me, that its time to hit her back hard. I hope I don`t regret this. I cannot handle all the conflict and nastiness. She insults, calls names, curses and is just full of anger and venom and goes so out of control that I really don't know what is going to happen here. Its going to be very ugly, that's for sure.

Some days it really sucks being me.

Memorial Day Weekend 2009

Haven't been home for this one since 2005. So another in my year of firsts since my "rebirth".
Have Matt and his friend, two 13/14 year old eating machines. I have never seen anything like this. In the past 36 hours they have devoured 3 large bags of chips, a bag of pretzels, 3 bananas, a pint of strawberries, a package of hot dogs and buns, a pork loin roast, potatoes, broccoli, ice cream sundaes, milkshakes, a pizza, 2 subway foot longs, 2 two liter soda bottles, etc.. the list is endless. After feeding them, paying for movies, go karts, laser tag, gas to get them home to SC, I will have $5 to last me until Friday. But, its all well worth it. The boys are having a great time.

The Queen of the Damned called and wanted to know if I was bringing her, her monthly check. The bitch. I said no, you get it at the end of the month that's when its always been sent. So she has the nerve to text me and say, see I knew the money wasn't coming from you. I called and left her a vm and said, no, the $ is from me, which is why you must now wait. Since you have an issue with getting $ from anyone but me I have put a stop to that and you will only get from me whatever the court orders will will be far less then you have been getting. WAY TO GO DUMBASS. God I hate her. What a sick fool.

Anyway, I`m supposed to have Lauren next weekend for my birthday unless the Demon Spawn interferes. She best not. I`m looking forward to time with Lauren (even though she still calls herself Buffy) as I do not get much quality time with her. After next weekend she will finish up school and go off to sleep away camp at Ramah Daron in Ga for a month, so it wont be until mid July probably until I can see her again.

I was invited to what sounds like an awesome party tonight but I have Matt and Jake so I cant go. I know it is the responsible thing and the right call but it would have been nice to socialize, eat, drink and make merry until the wee hours of the night. I have no social life. My life is work, my kids and aggravation from the ex. That's about it. However I keep reminding myself that I am still on the road back and I must measure my progress in baby steps. SO be it. I`m just not good at patience. Never have been.
Need to go walk the dog. Signing off.

Confusion

I`m very confused. I believe I have lost my..mojo. Thats right. I meet attractive women, the signs are all there and I just dont know what to do next. This is odd. I had mojo a one time. I`m sure of it. I think I fear relationships. But I do desire to have someone. Confusion.
I know my priorities are my children, fixing the damage I caused, and resurrecting my career. That should be it. Yet I am a somewhat social creature and crave companionship. Yet female companionship could/would lead to a relationship and we are back to square one. I simply do not know what to do.
After all I`ve been through I have decided to simply live one day ata time and cross bridges as I come to them. Sounds good. But its really bullshit. Life isnt that convenient.
I have a headache I`m going to bed.

Do a little dance, make a little love, get down tonight.

Problem with the title. I can`t dance. I have no one to make love to. My back is hurt so I can`t really get down too low without pain.
The not dancing thing I`m good with. The back pain, sucks but manageable. The no sex thing, wearing real thin. Lots of possibilities, but the trouble is I simply cannot enter into a relationship right now. Timing is no good. So there is the one night stand..but what if I like her? I certainly don't want to sleep with someone I don't like. Therein lies my dilemma. Ah well. There are worse things in life. Actually, I am living proof of that statement.
In 10 days I turn 42. I have lived half my life. I have two great kids, so that's a good thing. But otherwise, I do not have allot to show for my 42 years on this planet. In fact, I would need to give myself a pretty low grade overall. With the exception of my children, whom I am certain I will be making some therapist rich when they are older dealing with issues of me and their mom. But I digress.
I think that now, at the mid life point (because I certainly don't want to live too long), I can honestly say that I have really made some colossal errors. So moving forward, I suppose, I will just need to be able to reflect on those and not repeat them.
I seek peace and contentment. Decent job, so I can live fairly comfortably and put my kids through college without much financial pain. A good woman. Someone who is fun and I can laugh with and will let me be just me. And be happy with that. Because this old dog will not learn any new tricks. Someone who is attractive and intelligent. Who can have a differing opinion and enjoy a healthy debate. I do not think this person exists. But who knows?
I sure don`t.

Claymation sucks.

Can we please do away with this phony looking nonsense? In this day and age, with all the technological advances in computer graphics and animation must we still have to suffer claymation?
Enough already.

And another thing......

I am sick and tired of taxpayer dollars going to these ridiculous TV commercials where the cops and state troopers stand around their cars and spew out the latest stupidity.
- Click it or Ticket
- Sober or Slammer
- Highways or Dieways
To name a few.
Does this idiocy make any difference whatsoever? Is some fool not going to drink and drive because he saw this commercial? Nothing, besides that God awful Snuggles fabric softner bear, evokes such angry response from me.
Are these assholes on the clock while they film this crap? Are they getting paid, by the taxpayers, to do this shit? How much money does the TV spot cost? Production? Etc...
They need to get into their nice little cars with the flashing lights and sirens, and go take a nap in a deserted parking lot. Bunch of self righteous pricks.

Home of the Free?? Who are we Kidding?

Can we be brutally honest about this? This country was barely home of the "free" before 9/11, post 9/11 we have become what we used to fear and despise. A police state. Shades of the old USSR or Nazi Germany. National ID`s (papers please?), massive federal databases, the Constitution being ignored in favor of "national security". There is no freedom as it was meant to be. What does this mean? The terrorists won. How dare I say that? Look at our wreck of an economy. Look at the absurdly massive Homeland Security Department. The Dept. of Justice is out of control. States have no rights, they must bow down to the almighty Fed Government.
Look at what we do to people who dare to break one of our many, many laws. Your sentence is LIFE. You do not do your time, pay your fine and move on. You are blacklisted FOREVER. And everything is illegal and a felony. Smoke a cigarette in the wrong place? Didnt buckle your seatbelt? Crazy.
IS the grass greener on the other side? I dont know. But as time goes on I am becoming more and more convinced that it is something I will try to find out. This country has lost its way and we have crossed lines that we simply cannot/will not be able to reverse.

My Generation is Pathetic

I`m back. Been a couple weeks. Ex wife suing me, re injured my back. Haven't been in the mood for much really. But thanks to a friend who made me think of something this morning, I have something to rant about.
I am so damn sick of hearing people bitching and complaining on how sad they are or how terrible their life is, how stressed they are. Here are some examples, names changed and situations tweaked to protect me from blatantly insulting..though I really couldn't care less.
Woman has couple of kids she loves, nice expensive home in a nice community, good job, nice cars, hard working loyal husband. But complains because he "doesn't understand me" and is"mean to me sometimes" Hey, Fuck You. That's life asswipe.
Another person has a husband who supports her very well, drives the Mercedes, great kids, huge home, pool, spa... But he doesn't sexually do it for her. So shes miserable. Hey, buy a freaking dildo you moron!
All these unhappy people. Give me a break. Bunch of spoiled, self centered, whiny, unappreciative jerks.
You want to be sad? Lose all of that. Don't have your kids around you. Live in a shelter. Wonder where your next meal is going to come from. Go to sleep at night with one eye opened because you are surrounded by violent people and you very well may not survive the night. Go on and drive right by the homeless veteran in your nice Lexus while he is begging for food to eat and has lost all dignity he once had.
My ex wife, I`ll say this for her. There was a homeless man that was always out on the street with a sign needing money for food. Every trip to the grocery store she would buy him a loaf of bread and give it to him on the way home. We weren't wealthy, but a couple of bucks to help someone out was the right thing to do. I admired her for that.
Go to a children's shelter, checkout these kids stories. Yet your so sad, your life so damn awful.
Every single one of you out there should be deeply, deeply ashamed.

The GOP , Rush Limbaugh, Blimps and other things full of hot air

Let me just say that I have respect for all opinions, no matter how absurd they may be. That said.....Could the GOP actually be so out of touch with America? Is it possible that they cannot see that after 8 yrs of thier ways the country is in the toilet. The last Republican admin. before W. was his dad. Fortunately we threw him out after just 4 yrs. And the economy was messed up after those 4 yrs. How quickly we forget. Remember George Sr. saying "its the economy stupid"..about his loss.
This idiot Limbaugh I find comical. How can you attack Obama after 100 days of taking over from the most disasterous administration in history? Give the man a chance. The fat bastard, drug addict, actually believes that we were better off under W.? The GOP wonders why they are a dying party?? Talk about out of touch.
Makes me happy. Let them continue to bury themselves. As for Limbaugh, anyone who can listen to and support this turd while he "prays" that Obamas economic plan fails, which means millions of hard working Americans will be harmed terribly, is not a patriot. They used to call people who rooted for Americas failure communists. Now they are terrorists. Great club to associate with.
Blimps..I have no truck with. These other hot air balloons..leave the country and go start your own little world.

check it out

How cool is this?! My page is now all fancy!! So what to rant about today? hmmm..lemme see....drawing a blank at the moment..will be back when I have something to say!

The "scary" pig flu!! Served with Kool Aide.

20 dead in Mexico from the swine flu. Is this really a shocker? A worldwide pandemic? Have you been to Mexico?? Outside of the tourist areas and big cities people live in squalor. No running water, electricity is sporadic. Poor hygiene, etc. This happens in Mexico frequently which is why the Mexican government didnt freak out initially. BUT the mighty USA gets word and BAM!! Pandemic rumoros start flying. Suspected cases in NY. 8 people had it in Texas (all recovered and are just fine).
Bottom line, ask yourself this; Who benefits from this?
Answer: The manufacturers of the flu vaccine. Every year a new scare is sent out. The media gobbles it up. And the message is the same from the CDC and our Government..get the flu vaccine. It could be the bird flu, this time they recycled the swine flu. It is all about hundreds of millions of $$ for the pharmaceutical companies who bought the CDC, media and medical establishment a long, long time ago.
GO ahead. Drink the Kool Aide. Yum

Vaccine Information

OK..we all hear about this controversy regarding whether or not to vaccinate our children or not. I`m here to help you out with this. I will try to keep this simple.
Yes. Vaccinate your children against dangerous childhood illnesses. Polio, whooping cough, mumps, measles, etc.. HOWEVER.... I would recommend looking into spreading out the schedule of immunizations. I think the researchers are on to something here and injecting babies and small children with such massive doses of foreign agents may not be wise. There are many children who do have adverse reactions. Some severe. So do your homework.
Do not give a baby, small child, or pregnant woman the flu vaccine!! This vaccine has a mercury preservative called Thimerosal in it. This crap has been outlawed by every single civilized nation on this planet..except for the good ole` USA where big money controls these decisions. There is a link between directly injecting mercury, a poison, into the bloodstream of a developing nervous system/brain, and damage to that system. Be it autism spectrum or other developmental disorder. The CDC will tell you its safe. Bullshit. We need to do what every other nation except ours has done and simply err on the side of caution.
I am skeptical of the chicken pox vaccine. Studies indicates it wears off. So you end up getting it as an adult which is far more dangerous.
Finally, the HPV vaccine, Gardasil. NO!!! There have been too many reports world wide of girls having terrible reactions to this stuff. It is simply too new to safely judge. Teach your daughters safe sex at the right age. Explain the diseases out there, not to mention pregnancy dangers.
Do not trust the medical establishment to be straight with you on this issue. Do your own research. You are your babies and children's only advocate out there..YOU must protect them!!

Leash kids

One of the most disgusting phenomenas in this country is toddlers on leashes. A dog on a leash, ok. A ferret, ok. S&M partner, ok if your into that. But a child? This is repulsive.
Heres a great concept. Hold the childs hand. Or a stroller? Carry the kid?? Physical contact.
I used to put my son under my arm and carry him while holding my daughters hand. My ex`s grandma was horrified that I was carrying him "like a sack of potatoes". At least I was holding him.
Kids on a LEASH!! This should be outlawed!!!

Pirates?? I mean, really...

So you have a ten story super tanker or freighter crossing the ocean and a bunch of guys with a couple of rifles, a rowboat and an outboard motor overtake and capture these vessels holding them for millions in ransom money. This is pathetic.
How about placing a Navy SEAL, just one, on every ship under our flag. Give him automatic weapons, etc. and when the ROWBOAT approaches he blows the shit out of it!! I`m not understanding this huge fucking dilemma!! What am I missing here??
In WWII we escorted ships across the ocean in convoys against enemy submarines successfully. SUB-FUCKING-MARINES. These are a bunch of losers in a ROWBOAT!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK???
I can`t take this.

Topic # 2 Divorce laws and Divorce attorneys

This would be my second favorite topic. Some days, in fact, it is my first.
So randomly I shall make a few points.

1. Why does the woman get to keep my name? She has all of my money. I repeat, ALL of my money. She has my kids. She hates the fact that I have a heart beat. Yet she keeps my name. Change this law!! No nookie, no name.
2. How is it that the mom automatically is favored in custody and visitation issues? This is sexist and disciminatory.
3. Why is it assumed that the man will pay alimony? How about paying ME alimony for putting up with 17 yrs. of living hell!!!!

Finally, divorce attorneys. Pond scum. These anilmals thrive on the misery and misfortune of a family being torn apart. May every one of them go through a hellacious divorce.

I feel much better now.

my new blog! Topic #1 The Man

Look at this. I have a blog. Rather scary concept as I have much to say and have found a place to say it! So where to start? my fav. topic..The Man. AKA, The Government..specifically The Dept. of Justice.
Courtesy of our former leader, Pres. Bush, we have been stripped of many important civil rights. Many do not realized what has transpired. An example, the Federal Government can, and will more than you know, without a warrant;
1. look at your bank account and all financial transactions
2. read your mail
3. tap your phones. Including cell phones, which is easier than a land line.
4. read your emails
5. can "civilly commit" someone at their will. no judge. no trial.
6. is forcing a national ID program on all citizens. (papers please?..just like communist Russia or Nazi Germany)
The DOJ is out of control. They have incarcerated over 1 million people, almost doubling the inmate population pre-Bush.
You are guilty. Not innocent until proven. Guilty. The facts support this. The Government gets a guilty verdict 98% of the time. How can this be possible in a just and fair system?
We spend over $5 billion dollars annually just to operate an overburdened prison system.
An example of people incarcerated by the US Gov.;
- a 19 yr old who was pulled over for driving drunk in a national park.
- a 20 yr old serving 10 yrs for having one crack rock in his possession. no prior criminal history.
- a 50 yr old for having "questionable images" on his computers hard drive. no contact with anyone. just saw them, with his eyes, on line and forgot about it. serving 12 yrs. no prior criminal history.
A fair percentage are dangerous, violent people. repeat offenders who deserve what they got. A large percentage are non violent, first time offenders that the states would not even consider prosecution but our Government feels it worthy to spend money and time on destroying peoples lives.
Of course in the US every sentence is a life sentence. You do not serve your time, pay your dues, do your penance and walk out and resume life. You will carry a label and stigma until you die. No one will hire you.
Not to begin to mention the inhumane treatment of these people. If animals were treated the way these men and woman are there would be a national outrage like never heard before.
Again, for the violent, predatory criminal. The repeat offender, certainly, I have no pity. But I have seen too many people and families destroyed by these heartless, sick bastards. It is Americas dirty little secret that gets swept under the rug, instead of being addressed and fixed.
Something must be done. Over 2 million people a year are released from county, state and federal incarceration. We incarcerate more people than any nation on this planet. These people come out with no money, no health care or insurance. No prospects for jobs.
This is a national disgrace and must be addressed!