5/27/09.and all is well?

Rainy day again. The last few years we have been in a serious drought and all the prayers for rain have apparently been answered. We have had lots of the stuff this spring.
My back is not getting any better, I get occasional jolts of pain and constant discomfort and pain oddly in my left hip and in both legs. This is probably not good. AT times the pain is so bad I actual lean against something and lift my left leg in the air until it subsides. I am working very hard to get this promotion I desperately need so I continue to work out on the floor shelving, shifting sections, etc. Its fun work, but constant bending, squatting. I will just need to deal.
Awaiting my attorney to contact the ex`s. Then it will hit the fan BIG TIME. I do not have any energy or desire for problems with this woman but she fired the first shot, so in defending her absurd claim re: child support I am countering and asking for;
A. Reimbursement of legal fees incurred (thus far $1500)
B. Contempt charge for making a false and perjurous claim
C. Contempt charge for bad mouthing me to the kids, interfering with my visitation and at times blocking communication.
D. An order for her to find PT work immediately followed by FT upon her licensing in August.
E. Contempt for her living arrangement
F. Order barring "Rabbi" Rubin transporting my kids anywhere due to his physical status.
G. Order that I am to be equally involved in decisions regarding the children.

She is going to go so ballistic I am afraid of how bad this will get. Part of me says just go in, get the child support issue resolved and leave it be. But I think, as she initiated action against me, that its time to hit her back hard. I hope I don`t regret this. I cannot handle all the conflict and nastiness. She insults, calls names, curses and is just full of anger and venom and goes so out of control that I really don't know what is going to happen here. Its going to be very ugly, that's for sure.

Some days it really sucks being me.

Memorial Day Weekend 2009

Haven't been home for this one since 2005. So another in my year of firsts since my "rebirth".
Have Matt and his friend, two 13/14 year old eating machines. I have never seen anything like this. In the past 36 hours they have devoured 3 large bags of chips, a bag of pretzels, 3 bananas, a pint of strawberries, a package of hot dogs and buns, a pork loin roast, potatoes, broccoli, ice cream sundaes, milkshakes, a pizza, 2 subway foot longs, 2 two liter soda bottles, etc.. the list is endless. After feeding them, paying for movies, go karts, laser tag, gas to get them home to SC, I will have $5 to last me until Friday. But, its all well worth it. The boys are having a great time.

The Queen of the Damned called and wanted to know if I was bringing her, her monthly check. The bitch. I said no, you get it at the end of the month that's when its always been sent. So she has the nerve to text me and say, see I knew the money wasn't coming from you. I called and left her a vm and said, no, the $ is from me, which is why you must now wait. Since you have an issue with getting $ from anyone but me I have put a stop to that and you will only get from me whatever the court orders will will be far less then you have been getting. WAY TO GO DUMBASS. God I hate her. What a sick fool.

Anyway, I`m supposed to have Lauren next weekend for my birthday unless the Demon Spawn interferes. She best not. I`m looking forward to time with Lauren (even though she still calls herself Buffy) as I do not get much quality time with her. After next weekend she will finish up school and go off to sleep away camp at Ramah Daron in Ga for a month, so it wont be until mid July probably until I can see her again.

I was invited to what sounds like an awesome party tonight but I have Matt and Jake so I cant go. I know it is the responsible thing and the right call but it would have been nice to socialize, eat, drink and make merry until the wee hours of the night. I have no social life. My life is work, my kids and aggravation from the ex. That's about it. However I keep reminding myself that I am still on the road back and I must measure my progress in baby steps. SO be it. I`m just not good at patience. Never have been.
Need to go walk the dog. Signing off.

Confusion

I`m very confused. I believe I have lost my..mojo. Thats right. I meet attractive women, the signs are all there and I just dont know what to do next. This is odd. I had mojo a one time. I`m sure of it. I think I fear relationships. But I do desire to have someone. Confusion.
I know my priorities are my children, fixing the damage I caused, and resurrecting my career. That should be it. Yet I am a somewhat social creature and crave companionship. Yet female companionship could/would lead to a relationship and we are back to square one. I simply do not know what to do.
After all I`ve been through I have decided to simply live one day ata time and cross bridges as I come to them. Sounds good. But its really bullshit. Life isnt that convenient.
I have a headache I`m going to bed.

Do a little dance, make a little love, get down tonight.

Problem with the title. I can`t dance. I have no one to make love to. My back is hurt so I can`t really get down too low without pain.
The not dancing thing I`m good with. The back pain, sucks but manageable. The no sex thing, wearing real thin. Lots of possibilities, but the trouble is I simply cannot enter into a relationship right now. Timing is no good. So there is the one night stand..but what if I like her? I certainly don't want to sleep with someone I don't like. Therein lies my dilemma. Ah well. There are worse things in life. Actually, I am living proof of that statement.
In 10 days I turn 42. I have lived half my life. I have two great kids, so that's a good thing. But otherwise, I do not have allot to show for my 42 years on this planet. In fact, I would need to give myself a pretty low grade overall. With the exception of my children, whom I am certain I will be making some therapist rich when they are older dealing with issues of me and their mom. But I digress.
I think that now, at the mid life point (because I certainly don't want to live too long), I can honestly say that I have really made some colossal errors. So moving forward, I suppose, I will just need to be able to reflect on those and not repeat them.
I seek peace and contentment. Decent job, so I can live fairly comfortably and put my kids through college without much financial pain. A good woman. Someone who is fun and I can laugh with and will let me be just me. And be happy with that. Because this old dog will not learn any new tricks. Someone who is attractive and intelligent. Who can have a differing opinion and enjoy a healthy debate. I do not think this person exists. But who knows?
I sure don`t.

Claymation sucks.

Can we please do away with this phony looking nonsense? In this day and age, with all the technological advances in computer graphics and animation must we still have to suffer claymation?
Enough already.

And another thing......

I am sick and tired of taxpayer dollars going to these ridiculous TV commercials where the cops and state troopers stand around their cars and spew out the latest stupidity.
- Click it or Ticket
- Sober or Slammer
- Highways or Dieways
To name a few.
Does this idiocy make any difference whatsoever? Is some fool not going to drink and drive because he saw this commercial? Nothing, besides that God awful Snuggles fabric softner bear, evokes such angry response from me.
Are these assholes on the clock while they film this crap? Are they getting paid, by the taxpayers, to do this shit? How much money does the TV spot cost? Production? Etc...
They need to get into their nice little cars with the flashing lights and sirens, and go take a nap in a deserted parking lot. Bunch of self righteous pricks.

Home of the Free?? Who are we Kidding?

Can we be brutally honest about this? This country was barely home of the "free" before 9/11, post 9/11 we have become what we used to fear and despise. A police state. Shades of the old USSR or Nazi Germany. National ID`s (papers please?), massive federal databases, the Constitution being ignored in favor of "national security". There is no freedom as it was meant to be. What does this mean? The terrorists won. How dare I say that? Look at our wreck of an economy. Look at the absurdly massive Homeland Security Department. The Dept. of Justice is out of control. States have no rights, they must bow down to the almighty Fed Government.
Look at what we do to people who dare to break one of our many, many laws. Your sentence is LIFE. You do not do your time, pay your fine and move on. You are blacklisted FOREVER. And everything is illegal and a felony. Smoke a cigarette in the wrong place? Didnt buckle your seatbelt? Crazy.
IS the grass greener on the other side? I dont know. But as time goes on I am becoming more and more convinced that it is something I will try to find out. This country has lost its way and we have crossed lines that we simply cannot/will not be able to reverse.

My Generation is Pathetic

I`m back. Been a couple weeks. Ex wife suing me, re injured my back. Haven't been in the mood for much really. But thanks to a friend who made me think of something this morning, I have something to rant about.
I am so damn sick of hearing people bitching and complaining on how sad they are or how terrible their life is, how stressed they are. Here are some examples, names changed and situations tweaked to protect me from blatantly insulting..though I really couldn't care less.
Woman has couple of kids she loves, nice expensive home in a nice community, good job, nice cars, hard working loyal husband. But complains because he "doesn't understand me" and is"mean to me sometimes" Hey, Fuck You. That's life asswipe.
Another person has a husband who supports her very well, drives the Mercedes, great kids, huge home, pool, spa... But he doesn't sexually do it for her. So shes miserable. Hey, buy a freaking dildo you moron!
All these unhappy people. Give me a break. Bunch of spoiled, self centered, whiny, unappreciative jerks.
You want to be sad? Lose all of that. Don't have your kids around you. Live in a shelter. Wonder where your next meal is going to come from. Go to sleep at night with one eye opened because you are surrounded by violent people and you very well may not survive the night. Go on and drive right by the homeless veteran in your nice Lexus while he is begging for food to eat and has lost all dignity he once had.
My ex wife, I`ll say this for her. There was a homeless man that was always out on the street with a sign needing money for food. Every trip to the grocery store she would buy him a loaf of bread and give it to him on the way home. We weren't wealthy, but a couple of bucks to help someone out was the right thing to do. I admired her for that.
Go to a children's shelter, checkout these kids stories. Yet your so sad, your life so damn awful.
Every single one of you out there should be deeply, deeply ashamed.